Confessions of an online dating

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Simultaneously, the Beatles’ “Eleanor Rigby” started playing on Pandora.

“You’re a serial monogamist,” she said in a seemingly judgemental tone and for the entire block to hear.

We all exist as serif typography on a bright screen, and yet we are still alone, and if less lucky, lonely.

But how can we all not be lonesome when we’re substituting online relationships for real ones?

As we closed out our first date, she continued to proclaim how much she was done with relationships and why she was spending the next few years unattached and non-committal.

Honestly speaking, I’d also just gotten out of something serious and could almost identify with her sentiment, but the idea of “options” seemed overwhelming.

I mean, I’ve never considered myself a “serial” anything, but if an aversion to fleeting romance is any indicator of my habits… Granted, I’ve never planned to be in a relationshipthey just always, ALWAYS, work out that way.

I meet someone amazing, we date feverishly, I’m wooed beyond composure, and we’re in it. The person who proclaimed her loyalty to the single life is my most recent ex.

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As I sit at my laptop 10 hours a week pretending to be a middle-aged man on a dating site, my own dating life is circling the drain.

The process is kind of like that old quote, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” However, I also have to write love letters to women.

Vague and open-ended love letters that the online consulting company can distribute to many women.

Why do I need to find one partner that does that when I can have 70 different men tell me that over the Internet? The private messages, the double taps, the likes, the shares — all of them are wildly appreciated but cannot take the place of a warm body on a cold Philadelphia night, of actual physical touch and face-to-face interaction and COMPANIONSHIP. Between the thousands of people I interact with via social media everyday, my reach is huge compared to the five in-person conversations I had yesterday, two of which were with my dog and my roommate.

Which brings me back to “John.” He/I received a message from a lovely woman named “Karen.” “John”/I had a great conversation with her, and connected over their/our mutual love of jogging and Tom Clancy. Will he ever see her naked on all fours in front of a fireplace in a cabin in Aspen?

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